What I Didn’t Expect About Being an Expat

I’m out of milk, but that’s no big deal, right? I pause before climbing into my car, realizing that I’m standing in front of the passenger door yet again. I drive as slowly as I possibly can without enraging the other drivers, scanning the streets for the nearest grocery store. I attempt to read the passing signs, but each one fades behind me before I can even translate the first word. I finally see the grocery store on the right and try to flick my turn signal, but I end up turning on the windshield wipers instead.

It’s easy to idealize expat life, particularly because a lot of the hype is actually true: The staggeringly delicious new foods, the eclectic international groups of friends, and the infinite opportunities for local travel. But beyond the surface level glamour, what is it really like to leave everything familiar behind and start a life in a new country?

I Crave the Weirdest Foods from Home

I have an incurable infatuation with food, and digging into a country’s food culture is always one of the highlights of my expat experience. Yet after about a month or two in a new country, the obscure food cravings hit. Yes, I can watch a chef hand roll and cook udon noodles at that restaurant around the corner, but what I really want is some Kraft Dinner. Before my Kraft Dinner cravings, it was thoughts of Taco Bell that kept me awake at night. They’re arguably crappy foods, and not even ones that I ate very often when I lived in Canada; yet something about their complete unavailability makes me want them with disproportionate intensity. When I visit home once a year, I’m sure my friends and family expect me to seek out the best of Toronto’s food scene, but instead I’m usually on my way out the door to pick up some Pop Tarts.

I Feel Guilty About My Expat Friends

I typically end up with mixture of local and expat friends; however, when I occasionally find myself hanging out with a group of exclusively other expats, I can’t help but feel a little guilty about it. It feels wrong to, even for a moment, separate myself from the culture around me by cocooning in an English-speaking bubble. In some ways, it’s completely natural. Like me, most of my fellow expats spend their days struggling to communicate, gesturing wildly, and managing misunderstandings. Learning the local language is an enjoyable part of being an expat, but there are also times when it’s totally exhausting. That’s why there’s something wickedly indulgent about gathering with other English-speakers and being able to express myself freely and easily.

The guilt intensifies because these expat friends are often not the kind of people I would have spent time with back at home. In many cases, our personalities don’t quite mesh, but we all quietly overlook this fact because, with so few English-speakers around, it’s in our collective best interest to get along. For the same reason, these friendships tend to fade the quickest after one or both of us moves on, because the only thing we ever really had in common was our language.

I Can’t Just Translate

Brent and I were sitting with some Thai friends one day and I sneezed. Brent automatically said “Bless you”, and then had the idea to ask our friends what to say in Thai when someone sneezes. Our friends looked at us blankly: “You don’t say anything”.

I’ve arrived in pretty much all of my expat homes with very little knowledge of the local language. In the beginning, my attention was always so focused on learning basic phrases that I overlooked the cultural aspect of communicating with people. It took me months to clue in to the fact that sarcasm is completely lost on pretty much all Japanese people. In Spain, our host family answered the phone by saying “diga”, which they told me basically means “speak”, and I was shocked by how rude it seemed to begin a conversation like that. It was even more surprising to discover that, in most countries, it’s not standard to politely ask “how are you?” when you first see someone.

I began to realize that expressing yourself in another language is not just about taking your native language and translating it into a different one; it’s about discovering how people interact with one another in a different culture, and it’s all part of the clumsy beauty of making a life for yourself as an expat.

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Marie
Marie

That’s what so good about learning a new language. It’s not only about speaking, you start to understand the culture more. So you can see a country with a totally different point of view. And it’s so nice to understand the humour!!

That’s why I am always sad to see people living for 15 years in a country… and still not speaking the language.

Charlie
Charlie

Ah super loved this post! I found exactly the same things when I was abroad – like a strange addiction to red bean soup. I also wrote about English-speaking expat friends maybe not being your ideal friends in a recent blog post of mine. I wasn’t surprised about the “bless you” thing though, I’m pretty sure that itn was a result the black death in the 1300s (which mostly only affected parts of Europe) and people said it to those who sneezed because they thought they were going to die from the plague. I’m sure I read that a few… Read more »

Paige
Paige

Food cravings are the worst, especially if they are snacky foods…more than likely you won’t be able to find them! But yes, once living as an expat – that is when you learn appreciate the small things back home!

mwwalk
mwwalk

My biggest problem when visiting Australia for almost a month was biscuits. Australia has biscuits but they’re hard cookies, not the fluffy biscuits I wanted. I only eat biscuits about twice a month while home but because I couldn’t have them, I craved them constantly!

rebecca
rebecca

up till now I have only ever been an expat in English speaking countries, this is soon to change and Im sure I will experience the same difficulties and guilt and so on that you did. However, I do agree with the fact that it is one very awesome experience!

Heather
Heather

Thank goodness I didn’t have to drive while I lived in China! I think the stress would have taken years off my life. It was pretty easy to shop for groceries in Shanghai, and a surprising amount of western stuff was available. I actually ate a lot of things there that I never do back home, like Goldfish crackers, Pepperidge Farm cookies and Lays potato chips. These were my substitutes for cheese and cupcakes 🙂

Jessica
Jessica

True! It totally depends where you are. We’ve lived in a lot of small towns, so Western foods have been hard to find. But I found both Kraft Dinner and Pop Tarts in a grocery store in Chiang Mai today, so I guess I’ll have to find some new strange cravings.

Christina
Christina

I was wondering if there was one place where you hated the food and couldn’t wait to move on for that reason.

Jessica
Jessica

Thailand was kind of hit and miss for me. Sometimes the food was awesome, and sometimes it was a bland soup served on a scorching hot day – not my favourite.

Steph
Steph

I think Iceland had the worst food of anywhere I’ve been. Pickled lamb anyone?

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