(Over the next couple of weeks I’m recounting ways that travel has helped me to learn about myself. For references check out my first article: How Travel makes us Smarter, Wiser and All-Around More Awesome)
Here’s a story I don’t think I’ve ever written about before:
Studying abroad in London was the first time I’d ever been abroad on my own. It wasn’t really that scary; I’d been to London before and it didn’t take me very long to meet lots of awesome new people. With all my new friends I rarely needed to go anywhere by myself. Whether I wanted to get some pizza or visit Amsterdam someone always wanted to tag along.
Late in the semester (it was Thanksgiving weekend, my first one away from home), I took a weekend trip up north to St. Andrew’s University in Scotland. I went up there to visit some friends (alright, alright, it was to see a boy), but things didn’t really work out like I’d hoped. The people I was with were far more interested in exploring the great diversity of pubs than seeing and of the sights. Nobody wanted to check out the castle and cathedral with me, so I got directions and reluctantly set out by myself.
It was a windy November day and the sun was starting to set, so I had the cathedral ruins all to myself. They are really beautiful: St. Andrew’s was once this massive medieval cathedral. All that’s left are ragged bit’s and pieces. The dusky light made the impressive spires and crumbling walls particularly dramatic.
Sitting in that ruined church, watching the sun set over the North Sea, I’d never felt so alone or so exhilarated. It was my first tiny taste of solo travel and a major epiphany- I could be anywhere, by myself, and I would be okay. The boy I was visiting turned out to be completely forgettable, but what started there was an even bigger life-long love affair.
I learned a really important lesson that evening: being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. I think this is something many forget in their rush to fill their lives with people and activity. When you learn to feel comfortable without all the distractions, you discover that being alone can be pretty awesome- it’s about keeping company with yourself.
Over time I’ve learned that I’m actually pretty great company: I always want to do the same things, I laugh at my jokes, and I can be pretty interesting when I take the time to listen to me. That sounds pretty narcissistic, but while I love other people to death, I really need alone time as well to feel whole and energized.
Part of that is my introverted nature (nobody ever believes them when I tell them I’m an introvert but I swear it’s true), but the ability to be alone is an important skill for anybody to have. There’s serious strength in self-reliance and you oppurtunities just multiply when you are comfortable with your self.
Travel taught me the importance of being alone, and now I’m using that knowledge to further my travels. I’m planning this epic RTW trip, by myself, and everyone keeps telling me I’m so brave (by the way, do boys get that reaction too?). I don’t really feel brave though. I feel powerful. I’m doing the things I want most to do, and I’m not waiting around for anybody. If that means watching a few sunsets alone, well it turns out that’s not so bad after all.
Do you know how to be alone?
Great blog post. There is definitely an art to being alone, and so many people don’t understand how to be comfortable by themselves. It is an ongoing process for sure!
Hello two years later since you’ve posted this and here I am reading it. I’m 18 days away from going to NYC solo for seven days and though it may not be abroad I’m using this as a tool to further propel my confidence into going backpacking, this upcoming summer!
I just did a mini road trip from Los Angeles to San Diego for new years all by myself and it was really fun! I had to give part of myself up ( that introvert part) and was forced to socialize, I was quite the chatter box. I’m so proud of myself for doing it solo even if it was only 2 days and relatively close to my home. Baby steps!
Every trip Ive ever been on with company Ive had moments where I was on my own and those turned out to be the most incredibly memorable!
So thanks for your insight it’s very reassuring ! M
Hello two years later since you’ve posted this and here I am reading it. I’m 18 days away from going to NYC solo for seven days and though it may not be abroad I’m using this as a tool to further propel my confidence into going backpacking, this upcoming summer!
I just did a mini road trip from Los Angeles to San Diego for new years all by myself and it was really fun! I had to give part of myself up ( that introvert part) and was forced to socialize, I was quite the chatter box. I’m so proud of myself for doing it solo even if it was only 2 days and relatively close to my home. Baby steps!
Every trip Ive ever been on with company Ive had moments where I was on my own and those turned out to be the most incredibly memorable!
So thanks for your insight it’s very reassuring !
That’s awesome! It’s always good to practice solo traveling and the skills will come in handy later!
This is a great post! i was positively dying of loneliness since its winter break and nobody’s on campus ( and i should add that this is my first time in the US and i’m an international student form india) reading your post and meandering around your website has filled me with new energy! i just got out of a long term relationship with an obsessive boyfriend and have been dealing with feeling extremely lonely every few weeks since i got here. I’m trying to work on my self so that i don’t feel the need to be with someone just to fill an empty space or just to have someone to do stuff with 🙂 thanks again!
Wow, I’m so glad I could cheer you up! I’m sure that even though you feel down now, you are definitely doing the right thing.
– Its not so much learning to be alone but learning to be outside your comfort zone. A social butterfly might have trouble being alone and an independent person might be awkward in group settings.
– Loneliness is ephemeral. You can party/make 20 new friends 20 days straight. The next day when you’re alone, you’ll be just as bummed as the next person. The only constant is yourself. So make sure that person is awesome to be around
– It does help when you have comforting base of family and friends at home.
– Boys do get considered “brave” also, everyone gets patronised 🙂
Its funny, I’ve found that once the idea is conceived its practically already done. Just by saying “I’m doing it”, you’re comfort zone has already been breached and you’ve mentally prepared yourself, come what may.
Good luck with your solo RTW trip.
lol that title, i just died inside cause im an awkward penguin?
😉
it’s important to love the awkward penguin within!
great post! you speak up for me..
I’m in the process of planning my first solo trip around the world myself. It’s been really helpful to read all the comments and know that I’m not the only one that will have to deal with these issues.
Hey Nick, there are definitely a lot of us in that boat and I think we all struggle with similar issues. That’s why the online community is so great!
I’m glad you submitted this Steph. I must have missed it earlier, but your perspective is incredibly timely for me. I just arrived to Italy, alone and feeling somewhat lonely. I guess for me it is that initial step towards braving some activity or attraction that gets me. Being a pretty independent person, I enjoy being alone. I like your take though that being alone while traveling doesn’t have to mean you are lonely. I’m going to put that mantra into place this week.
Aww Suzy! I think the first couple days are probably the hardest and then you adjust and can enjoy the fact that you are in ITALY!
Great post! This is one of the best things I learned by moving abroad. While I moved with my husband, I was alone a lot and did some traveling alone. Alone and lonely couldn’t be further from each other! I discovered so much about myself and it challenged me to be confident in my abilities to navigate in new places and cultures. Can’t wait to read more about your RTW trip!
Thanks Lori! I love that you were able to travel alone even while being abroad with your husband.